Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a male suitor about the state of our “relationship”. (If you can call it that).
After a few hit and misses (more misses than hits) and a seemingly roller coaster type experience over the last few months, we both got revelation on something.

We were both continuing to deal with each other out of fear.

Fear? What? Ain’t nobody afraid of nothing!

Oh, yes we are.

We realized that the insurmountable fear of being alone, not having another potential come around in the timing we would like was too great for us to just cut ties and go our separate ways, even after we both verbalized our discontent in the current situation.

Oh, ladies, you know how it goes: He doesn’t call when he’s supposed to. He doesn’t show up on time. You catch him lying. He has piss poor character. You know, those types of things.

We’ll overlook them, however, to fill the basic need that all women have: to have an emotional connection with someone.

Mid conversation, he told me about how earlier that day he stopped to help a young lady change a tire. She was struggling with getting the car jacked up and figured he would stop to help her.

In a matter of minutes, he changed the tire, she thanked him, and as he proceeded to walk to his car, here came a young guy walking across the street to them.

“Thanks for changing my girls tire, man.”

He stood there in shock.

The girl’s boyfriend was standing across the street while his girlfriend was changing the tire. Yes. You read correctly.

Disgusted, my guy friend left. He mentioned that as he was changing the tire, the girl told him that she was working on her MBA and recently bought a house.

But, you’re dating a dude who wouldn’t change your tire for you.

My friend was confused. “How could she date a dude like that considering all the good things she has going for her?”

I told him, “she won’t leave. She’s afraid.”

“Why?” he asked.

“He fills a void in her life that every woman needs: he’s that warm spot in the bed, holds her hand, tell her that she’s cute, he’s there to listen to her… and for many, that’s enough. It matters not about character or the type of things he brings to the table. The basic emotional need has been met. It won’t be until she relinquishes the fear of being alone that she’ll have a ‘light bulb’ moment and leave the relationship.”

He and I sat there and silence.

We realized something: we were guilty of the very same thing.

We both knew the timing between us wasn’t right and we were in two different places, but because there was a quiet fear that if we let go of this one that another one may not come along, we tagged along to each other. (anybody been there?)

I tell this story for one reason: fear is real. Fear is paralyzing. Fear will cause you to spend entirely too much time in situations (jobs, relationships, church families, etc.) simply because you’re afraid of not having enough or another chance at that thing you’re losing.

Essentially, fear is the common denominator for mediocre lives and experiences.

Many of you, however, are still very afraid. Afraid of being alone, not having another chance, or if you do have another chance, it will take soooo long to return, you’ll grow weary waiting.

Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Galatians 6:9

Choose to let go of the fear. And when you think you’re standing alone, remember that you are not.

“…be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'” Hebrews 13:5

Being fearless,

Alisha L.