I’ll start this off by acknowledging the fact that you’re still a married woman who’s in a serious relationship with Kanye West. I’m not judging but it’s worth mentioning for the sake of this blog. It bears mentioning so that the readers won’t have to bring that up in the comment section. Okay? ‘Kay.
I read an article in OK! Magazine entitled “Will Kim be a Single Mom?” where the author suggest that your “shaky” relationship with Kanye will result in you getting pregnant and being “all by yourself.”
In recent statements, you said, “Kids [are] definitely something I want. I want to be married with two parents in the house to raise the kids.” (Source: The View)
It seems that your “traditional family” values are pretty in tact. You grew up in a two parent home. Naturally, you’d want that for your children as well.
You don’t know me and you’ll probably never read this blog post, but there are a few things I’d like to say about the article, your sentiments, and the underlying message you’re sending (and some of which Kanye is perpetuating) about Black men in America.
The article presents a number of on going “issues” that you and Kanye seem to have (OK! has reported on your relationship for the last three issues); his vocalization about wanting you to lose weight, throwing away all of your clothes on national television, and his refusal to include you in opportunities like traveling to Paris for Fashion Week are just a few. He called you a “bitch” on a recent record and you found it “honorable.” He’s poked fun at (versus defending/protecting) your sexual escapades with Ray J. Paparazzi photographed you pumping gas into the expensive car you bought him. You wear his shoes. You fry his chicken.
You, like many women, want to be happy (whatever “happy” means for you) and sacrifice more than necessary to have it. We’ll give of ourselves sacrificially to appease and to satisfy our lovers, even if that means losing part of ourselves. This is where, I guess, we can connect. We’ve all been there, done that.
What I find troubling, however, is that if you don’t want to be a single mother — if the risk of having unprotected sex with Kanye West has become too great — why do you continue to sleep with him? You’ve explicitly said that having kids in a married household is what you want. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to give that to you… at least without some stipulations. OK! Magazine said that for you, becoming a single mother is a “nightmare coming true.” A source close to your family was quoted noting that after a huge blow up with Kanye, he apologized, told you he loved you, and “wants you to have the fairy tale, as long as [you] can get with the program and deal with his conditions.”
And then there’s that pesky little stereotype you’re inadvertently fueling…
You may be unaware, but African American households account for the largest number of single parent homes in the U.S. The social stigmas attached to what some call an “epidemic”, like poverty, an ever increasing achievement gap, and perpetual broken families become generational. Your wealth may change the scope of that baby’s life so that the aforementioned “stigmas” aren’t a problem for him or her. But your “fears” that are placated throughout this article and others confirm what mainstream America says about our Black men: they’re irresponsible, juvenile, and don’t want to take responsibility for their actions or the lives they create. It may not be your responsibility to care about these things though.
Kanye’s mom raised him as a single parent in Chicago. If she was alive, she could attest to the plight minority children have to face when their parent’s don’t have the same resources as the two of you. These are the things we must consider when we speak in, for, and through the lens of our associations with a marginalized people.
Having babies that look like your coffee is great. But as your beau alluded to in his song “All Falls Down” having all the wealth in the world means nothing for a man (or woman) identified as a Black in America.
But these are things you’ll have to come to terms with. If your track record is any indication of whether or not you’ll put your own needs before that of a guy, then we can only expect an updated OK! Magazine story about your woes as a single mom and an absentee father. Oh how the media will have a field day spinning that story!
Maybe I’m writing this blog post because I know what it’s like to love someone more than I love myself. This is not Lifetime Original Movie type spin, though. You need some tough love, a backbone, and some common sense. Find yourself then be who she is. Ray J, Reggie, Kris, and Kanye… none of them will ever fill the void you’re seeking, beloved. (Iyanla’s gonna get me for stealing her phrase!)
On the Chase,