All of the Lights
When you’re driving, there are two signals that are clear-cut: green means “GO”, red indicates “STOP”. Then there’s that pesky yellow light. Some of us speed up, trying to hurry through the intersection. Some slow down, knowing that there’s a chance we might not make it. I’m an aggressive driver, always pushing the limits, switching lanes when the flow of traffic isn’t suiting my needs, even backing up down a one-way instead of going around the block. In love, I’m the same way, whatever it takes to make our way through the winding highways of the heart, mind and soul until…I come upon a yellow light.
I only know what to do with green and red; yellow confuses me, builds internal anxiety and makes my reaction time quite delayed. When I’m not sure on where I stand it’s hard for me to grip the clutch, get a handle on how to proceed and put my foot on the pedal. I’m not saying I expect to speed to every destination in love but yellow lights make me miss important information given by my GPS [heart and mind] because my focus is on whether or not it’s safe to advance with my intentions. Instead of moving forward with no fear of “reading into” actions I find myself playing chicken at a junction of “what ifs”.
The yellow light is unfair in that it doesn’t allow for me to show what I’m made of behind the wheel… or does it? I wonder if the plan is for me to boldly barrel through or come to a complete stop, look both ways and wait for further direction. Either way I can say that no one will ever know what I’m capable of on the road of true love until I have a clear signal. Call me cowardly, but not many people can say they want to leave their most tender affections tied to a railroad track at the mercy of a traffic signal.
All the “lights” of our lives dictate what we do and how we do it. I simply want the opportunity to cruise through with green lights a-go. I don’t have it all figured out but my heart’s at a standstill until I know what to make of All of the Lights.
— Denise R. Bussey