I don’t know why I named this blog “The Blind Side.” Just dropped in my spirit, so I’ll run with it.
I’ve learned so much about being a parent by being in relationship with God.
There are so many things parents are responsible for teaching their children: how to brush their teeth. How to tie their shoes. How to say “please” and “thank you.”
I, in turn, have learned so much about God by being a parent.
Today, Ashli and I were walking out of Wal-Mart and when we got to the curb, I looked both ways to see if a car as coming (there were none) and I lead us across the street.
Ashli, however, crossed the street without even looking.
What does it say about her trust in me? She trusts me enough and knows that I am wise enough to never cross the street without looking. She also knows that I’d never do anything to harm her or put her in harm’s way. She’s confident in the fact that she can walk, hand-in-hand with me, without hesitation… even when she’s not paying any attention.
How much more is it when we have a relationship with God?
A relationship with Him requires for us to trust Him, take His guidance and wisdom as gold, and walk with Him knowing that He’d never lead us astray or put us in harm’s way…even when we’re not paying attention.
This trust relationship, however, only comes when there’s a real relationship.
If Ashli was walking with a stranger, (which she would never do by the way) I’m sure she’d be more conscious, looking around, hesitating to make a move across the street–not because of the possible danger, but because of the unfamiliarity of the person she was walking with.
Again I ask, how much more is it when we do not have a relationship with God?
It’s not about church attendance, religious practices, speaking in diverse tongues, or having a first row seat with the deaconess board.
It’s about developing a personal relationship with Him in which that we can not only trust Him, but more importantly, He can trust us.
Ah, that’s why this blog is called “The Blind Side”: God protects us from those sides we can’t see, whether because of positioning or because we’re simply not paying attention. (That’s usually my problem…)
This is the end.
The last of the last.
The last time I will ever write. In this decade, that is.
The last few days I’ve mulled over what to write about in my last blog for 2009 and this decade. Should I give some inspirational tale to motivate individuals to be their best in 2010? Should I come up with some preacher-esque rhyme? (You’ll do it again in 2010!) Should I give a run down of all of the good, bad, and ugly of the last 10 years to bore readers with?
Transparency, I find is the best route.
As I sit in my Brooklyn, New York hotel, the 9th floor, watching the fluffy white snow fall, I can’t help but be eternally grateful for where God has brought me in the last 365 days. This time last year (New Years 2008), I was such in a broken state: heart-broken, financially broken, emotionally broken. Suicidal thoughts plagued my last days of 2008 and as I entered 2009, alone, broken, and fearful, I felt that my life, in no way, could improve beyond my current station in life.
Only a few people know this story, but on New Years Eve 2008, I had an encounter with God. Not one of those Baptist fit encounters, where I’m screaming, hollering, acting like I’m having a seizure, but a real encounter. As I fought with all kinds of demonic attacks on my mind as the clock struck 12 and we entered 2009, I wept. I wailed. I cried out for God to step in now, for if he didn’t, I would do what Satan had been trying to get me to do all week-long. Take my life.
As I cried out for God, a deep, internal cry like never before, a cool, rushing wind entered my apartment. I immediately stopped crying. Confused as to why suddenly there was wind blowing in my apartment, the voice of God clearly spoke to me: cover yourself for I am the God who covers thee. I mustered the strength to grab a nearby blanket and covered myself as I laid on the floor. For the next eternity (or as it seemed, it was only two hours) the spirit of God spoke to me, audibly, about past hurts, past mistakes, provided answers to an entire decade worth of pain, self-inflicted and otherwise, and how to fix each and every one.
I spent two hours under a heavy, wool blanket (even my head was covered) but the air in the blanket didn’t grow stale or stuffy. The air, cool, and flowing sustained as God did spiritual surgery on my heart and mind. When he was done, I came from under the blanket and was amazed. Everything in my apartment had a glow to it. The white walls reverberated with light. The Christmas tree lights blinked brighter; everything I could see was illuminated. As I sat on my couch trying to get my natural mind to wrap around what had happened, the only thing I could think to do was to go to sleep. So I did.
I tell you that story because as of January 1, 2009, God took me on a journey that I never thought was possible. I made immediate efforts to be a better daughter to my dad (and I’m still working on that), be more open with my mom, to let go of past pains from a sudden and unexpected breakup, to truly, truly forgive my daughter’s father for not being there for her…and as I made real efforts to make improvements, God took two steps ahead of me setting me up for opportunity after opportunity to make things right.
By March of 2009, I began my manuscript, Pieces, that many of you know I’ve been attempting to get representation by a literary agent. While that is still an ongoing process, God has moved mightily, allowing me to gain wisdom and insight that no man, book, or institution could provide. He’s been the inspiration behind every blog, every piece of writing that I’ve produced this year. He’s allowed that one night stand with him *wink* in the first two hours of 2009 matter. He refused to let me sit back idly and wait for a moment to be better. He’s held my hand all year-long, restoring me, restoring relationships.
So today, like every day of 2009, I choose to move forward. I choose to be happy. I choose to not be no punk for satan and his antics. He don’t run nothing. 2009 was an amazing year of growth for me. I’m not perfect, I still have sooooo far to go, but to know that I can enter 2010 with a whole heart, whole mind, whole spirit, nothing missing, nothing broken; that is something worth celebrating.
So, now my friends, you know why Alisha is always crunk, always happy, always saying, “it’s just not that serious…” because I’m free! Nothing in this world can steal my joy. Nothing. I’m a kingdom kid. Jesus is my big brother. I don’t have to fight for anything that is rightfully mine. And in that, I keeps it moving. Moving forward.
2010 is here. Superficiality will not take you higher in God. Putting on a facade for others will not heal you. An encounter with Him is awaiting if you’re ready to move forward. Are you ready?
There’s something I’d like to share with you. Simple song called “Moving Forward” by Ricardo Sanchez feat. Hezekiah Walker. You make all things new, and I will follow you…Forward. Listen carefully.