Tag: women

Tell the Untold Stories

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“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston

During the 75th Golden Globes Awards this year, Oprah Winfrey received the Cecil B. de Mille award for outstanding achievement in entertainment, the first black woman to receive the award. Her riveting and powerful speech about the #metoo movement created by activist Tarana Burke, a black woman, went viral, in part because of what many called its “presidential” timbre. But, there was another reason Ms. Winfrey’s speech caught wind – she told the story of Recy Taylor. Continue reading →

No Country for Weaves: A Pastor’s Right?

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[I’m writing so quickly; here’s the short of it:]

Today, the site AmericanPreachers.com posted a story about a pastor in Waco, Texas who wants to ban weaves from his church. He notes that weaves “presents a false image of themselves and are associated with women who have low self-esteem.” Additionally, he says, “I lead a church where our members are struggling financially. I mean really struggling. Yet, a 26 year old mother in my church has a $300 weave on her head. NO. I will not be quiet about this,” according to the site.

Sir.

Can I say a brief word about this?

Lissen.

If you’re banning weaves because you feel like women who wear them have low self esteem and need to accept their “natural selves” should men stop getting hair cuts, too?

I mean, if we’re going to take the focus on the “inward man” approach, men need to embrace their natural self and stop getting haircuts, no?

Furthermore, if you would just focus on PASTORING instead of trying to tell women what to staple to their scalp, then you wouldn’t have to be concerned about not having the financials necessary to care for those in your congregation who don’t have enough to live.

See, when a pastor is effective at doing his/her job, then the people freely give. The church then has the means to reach the people in and outside of the congregation and do the work of Christ.

Period.

Someone’s Remy weave ain’t hindering you from doing YOUR JOB.

And this is why folks don’t take Christians seriously. How divisive, busy, and distracting this is to the work the Body of Christ as to do.

Jesus wasn’t worrying about the headdresses women had on their heads, man.

He just taught solid principles about how to live this life and get to the next. That’s it.

What if I’m rocking a weave because I suffer from Alopecia or growing my hair out from chemotherapy?

Great way to make me feel welcomed to the body of Christ. (sarcasm)

Because when we offend people over stuff like this, it’s not the church or pastor that gets the bad rap. It’s Jesus.

It is difficult to separate between the works of man (read: people who are “working” in the name of Jesus) from the redemptive works of Jesus because for so many, those entities are one in the same.

So, if you offend me, pastor, for wearing my weave — I’m mad at more than just YOU, I’m mad at Jesus/the Christian faith.

And you will have to answer for that person leaving the faith or never coming to Jesus over a 22″ Remy.

You see how petty that is?

I don’t wanna have to answer for turning someone away from an opportunity to receive or live for Christ because I’m nitpicking the mundane. Nah.

But, I’m natural so I’m good with that pastuh. Hmph.

What do you think about this pastor’s demands? Is there any truth to his claims or is this another way to further divide the body of Christ? Post your thoughts below!

On the Chase,

Alisha L.

Brandy, Monica, and the Repossessors: An In-depth Look

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Let me begin this post by stating this is much more than a critique of music. It is, like much of my work, and exploration of a different perspective.

Let us begin.

Women have been repossessing their stuff from men for a long time now.

“The clothes on his back, I buy them. The car he drives, I pay the note every month.” — Shirley Brown, 1974

“You may have had him once but I got him all the time.” — MoKenStef, 1995

“Every time we go somewhere
I gotta reach down in my purse
To pay your way and your homeboys way
And sometimes your cousin’s way!” — Erykah Badu, 1997

“To the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that’s my stuff, yes
If I bought it, please don’t touch.” — Beyoncé Knowles, 2006

“Those clothes, those cars, those rings That MacBook, that sh-t belongs to me.” Brandy and Monica, 2012

With Brandy and Monica’s new song “It All Belongs to Me” blaring on my airwaves, I couldn’t help but think about this long lineage of women singing about a love lost and the process of repossession that occurs at the end of the break up.

While this type of “women’s liberation” (I use that phrase very loosely) has been going on for a while, it irked me that after all this time, we were still singing about reclaiming stuff from men who we can assume brought nothing to the table anyway.

And to boot, Brandy and Monica’s video featured them reclaiming items from one man; is it safe to say that this is the same man they were arguing over 12 years ago in “The Boy is Mine”? (I know it’s not Mekhi Phifer, but you understand the continual video concept.)

So what does this say to women (as I was one of the teenage girls rolling my neck, singing along to that 1998 cut) that 12 years later, you are still vying for the same man, and you’ve “upped the ante” by using your wealth to give him a life that he’s not willing to provide for himself?

It’s simple. We have no idea who we are, why we were put here, and what God’s intent for our lives are.

See, God made it very clear that there’s an order to everything when He introduced us to Adam and Eve.

When Eve came on the scene, she came to a place that was already prepared for her.

She wasn’t toiling in the garden, grinding it out, trying to make things happen. She wasn’t “holding it down for her man” while he “gets on his feet.”

Eve was aware that she was there to help Adam, use the skills God gave her to make Eden an even better place for them, and live without the pressures of doing the hard work Adam was called to do.

She came into a place that was whole, complete, and fully ready to receive her. Adam did his part. He provided a “home”, food to eat, and gave her the space to do what God called her to do, too.

This, my friends, is God’s divine order. This is an expression of God’s love and His absolute best for his daughters.

I’m sure Eve added her own “touches” and additions to the garden, much like we do in our own relationships. We work. We pursue our goals. We live our lives. We aren’t, however, to get out of God’s will and become a sole provider to men. Not then, not now, not ever.

It’s not how we were built. It’s not God’s best for us. And if we used this model as an example of what to look for when choosing our mate, we’d never have to worry about becoming a repossessor of any sort.

This isn’t to say that women shouldn’t buy things for their significant others; let’s not miss the point. This is about knowing God’s ideal purpose for us through the biggest and most sensitive part of ourselves: our heart. We know we never give a gift without giving a sliver of souls with it. God wants to protect our “investments” by ensuring the gardens we pour back into are prepared by men who understand the importance of preparing for us first.

When we know God and understand His character, we realize that He created us to enter into our own versions of Eden prepared by a man who has a sense of purpose, works towards that purpose, and understands his role as a provider. Knowing these nuances about the One who created you makes it easier to know your role, play it well, and let Him do the “dirty work.” If Eve’s first introduction to their life together was Eden, why should our introductions be any less?

How do you view women who pour too much into men who haven’t properly prepared for them? Is it socially acceptable or a destructive trend to follow?

Brain Dead

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Tonight I was talking to a good friend who finally got an answer to a prayer she’d been praying for a long time: a new car.

There were a few hiccups at the dealership, but, as of tomorrow she’ll have a new car.

However, she couldn’t help but think, analyze, and mull over what she’ll do in a few months when some financial situations change. She rhetorically asked “how” she would do it…

Turn off your brain, ma’am.  Continue reading →

Fear Factor, Follow After.

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Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to talk to a good guy friend of mine about how often he sees women asking God for a “God-fearing man.”

We’re all guilty of that, I know a “God-fearing man (GFM) is on my list of wants in a future husband. My friend, let’s call him Richie, said that women should be on the lookout for a “God following man.”

Of course, I wanted to know the difference. Here’s what he said:  Continue reading →

“You tol’ Harpo to beat me?!”

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Ms. Sophia

"All my life I had to fight..."

Today, I announced to a group of my coworkers that I was a domestic violence victim. Well, I didn’t intentionally tell them, it just kind of came out while I was discussing a new project that I am leading a group of girls in. They are collecting items for a local women and children’s shelter, and while giving my spill, I included myself in the over 50% of women who endure domestic violence.

As my voice cracked and hands shook, I left the auditorium with a forced smile and a burning feeling in my chest.

Why was I feeling this way? Why was my heart aching so?

It had been years since I even thought about those daunting days and nights in 2004 and for the most part, thought I was over it all. Hell, I even thought that I had dealt with those feelings in my book, Pieces: Finding the Missing Piece is Easier than You Think when I went through the whole rigmarole forgiving the man who was my abuser.

Guess I was wrong.

By the time I made it home, I was a steaming hot mess, and if not for the sweet provoking of a dear friend to “just let it go, cry it out”, I probably would have spent another day, month, year holding on to those feelings.

The embarrassment and shame that comes with domestic abuse is one that I think we forget exists. Once our scars heal and our feelings are mended, once we move on with our lives and, if we’re lucky, have forgiven our offenders, we’re still left with the embarrassment and shame. Those two bastards burrow deep into our souls like little rodents preparing for a long winter’s nap.

The emotions of domestic violence never really leaves you. They are always there, hiding in the folds and crevices of our being, intertwining themselves in our lives, becoming a part of our molecular structure.

Before we realize it, we’ve allowed our embarrassment and shame keep us from pursuing things, leading ventures, chasing dreams because we secretly fear that someone may find out, judge and ridicule us for not being smarter, wiser, seeing the signs.

Today I took off my badge of victimization and waved my victory banner.

I was lucky. His slaps in the face and pushes into walls while 6 months pregnant didn’t stop me. Him chasing me out of my house with a knife into the streets didn’t put a damper on what  good things were to come in my life. The scars and bruises on my face and neck eventually healed. I lived.

I always have to wonder why God causes me to have these major moments of self-realization, but I’m sure it’s for a good reason.

I also know that my pain, your pain isn’t for us to carry. It’s there to face and let go so someone else can have the courage to do the same.

Feel free to share this post with someone you know or love. It may give them the courage necessary to wave their victory banner, too.

On the chase,

Alisha L.